So, last night I can recall three creepy dreams I had in a row.

The third, for some reason, I was apparently some black girl or something in like...a big black community.  I'm sorry but it struck me as odd that suddenly my dreams have race included.  But yeah, something about watching a little festival or something and climbing up on a roof and sitting down and play fighting with a little boy.  Sitting up there for a long long time as people talked on and on...and then for some reason it struck me that it was quite some time back because I was wearing a goofy dress.  And then they decided to marry me off to the kid I was picking on?  Or...something? I don't know *rubs her head* It was actually very very clear.  Very odd as well.  And I was just kinda like "Ehm...ugh...fine" and climbed down and there was some fuss over flowers and a dress that was just refitted to fit me.  I don't know, it was really odd *tilt*

The Second was something about rafting, like in a video game almost.  Going through this underground system running away from someone, and being part of like...a guard or something for some noble or royalty and helping them escape.  But in the end, the raft was breaking apart and the river opened up to the outdoors and...I never really finished the end of it.  The Phone woke me up. I chalk it up to watching the Musketeer too much *shrug*

The First *rubs her head, sigh* Okay, for some reason lately, for those of you who have been around long enough, you know about Lil D, or as I refer to him, d, among many other things (Derek the Quasi Jew, The Infamous Atlus Parker, the Immortal Derek Lee, and D. Lee).  Well alright you know -of- him, perhaps not about him much more than when I was thrown out of my parents houses, he took me in.  If you're really special you'll know that I lost my virginity to him and he moved to minnesota for me.  If you were in the right place at the right time you'll know that we drove eachother insane and I was young and stupid enough to leave him, not once, but twice.  *rubs her head* I know, it sounds awful, and it is.  Believe me, there's much more to that.

He is the attributing factor to my love for Harvest Moon, Most Mario Games, Previous Pokemon obsession, Forum love, General love for Gamecube and underestimated consoles, online rp, the person who introduced the greatness of "..." to me, probably the very reason I love FF8 more than any other, and why I make pedophile jokes, love of almost all RPG's especially suikoden and final fantasy and arc the lad, sketching, writing, theatrics, anything anti-utopian, rough housing, being unafraid to make an ass of yourself, sarcasm, vicious rhetoric, adoration for anime, crooning over certain songs over and over due to personal meanings and near obsessions over them, and general being of ones self no matter what anyone says.

*rubs her head* Before him...well, I didn't do a whole lot.  He was there from about...age 13 until... ... well until I was 17 in June.  And then after that on and off until he moved back to Massachusetts (...Conneticut... *whistful snicker* Sorry, memory flashback) last March, right before we moved into this house I'm currently in.  So about a year.  But we'd been split up for 3 years.  But our first break up was 5-6 years back, which is what really tore us apart. So about 7 years ago.

*shakes her head* Anyway.  That's neither here nor there, I don't want to recount our entire history.  And I'm sure you dont want to read it.  That's why I was so upset when my diaryx journal was destroyed...it had a lot of material on him in there...about our tenative trying to be friends and falling apart again...a lot of that.  ...It's kind of like I lost my last bit of him when that happened.

*sigh* but yes, dreams.

Lately he's been...on my mind excessively.  It's hard to go by Rochester Village or Target or even anywhere around 41st street. Or 18th avenue.  Hell that whole side of town is hard to go to.  And concidering a lot of what I love and do now is credited to him...well to be blunt, I'm reminded of him nearly every minute of every day.  And I think...that perhaps being around ad makes it a little more common place because...well partially because I don't have to watch what I say around him.  Josh hates d, so it's not as if I'm particularly at best form to mention him.  But also because I've drawn some similar lines between ad and his anamoly and myself and d.  *rubs her head* not his fault though, and I wouldn't ever want for him to be around any less, hell, I'm looking forward to living with him.

But, for some reason I'm usually much better at not letting the memories and reminders get to me.  I haven't thought about him this much since he left, or even before that.  *shaking breath*  You know when that bullshit with josh and chelsie happened he actually...he read my journal and found out how much of a wreck I was and was the only person who actually called me to make sure I was alright.  He even tried to get me to come over and get out of the house since josh left me there for about two days with my toe broken and incapacitated on the couch.  Course his roomates who dispised me and didn't understand our odd 'relationship' wouldn't let him...and he never drove.  *chuckles* ... ...silly man...hated driving with ever fiber in his being.

*pause* My "Guardian Angel, no matter how unwilling"...

Well, due to this excessive thinking of him, my dreams for the past week or so have had him in them.

Last night it was just him and I and whitney for some reason every so often, and Ian hanging out.  Sometimes he and I alone just talking or goofing off.  Sometimes all of us.  Even josh made an appearance...and everyone was just alright with eachother.  But...I felt...better.  Just being around him again. ... ... ... Recalling that dream all day I just felt a surge of happiness.  Then a crash of course, but still.

I know that we wouldn't work out...at least that's what I say.  There are too many things.  Little things that you don't find out until you live with someone.  Like he has to sleep coiled in a ball and can't sleep facing anyone or with anyone touching him.  Which is hard because I like cuddling up in bed.  He's a... pig to be honest.  Disorganized.  A recluse which makes things hard because I need to get out of the house or see other people at least some of the time. 

*sighs* ...but god damn it I miss him...just him being him. 

The jokes, the dramatic persona, the alter egos, the 'photoshoots', the "hey hey look what I did!", the posing fights and other scenes in front of people for no reason.  He was so witty and brilliant, reading through his screenplays and other things.  Never a boring moment.  ...him and his poofy hair and boston accent that -only- showed up when he was excessively tired.  The all night gaming sessions, hell, all weekend gaming sessions.  Windows blocked out and pepsi or mountain dew all over.  He had really long fingers too...great hands.  *blink* ...the only person I've ever noticed the hands... ... ...he called them gamers hands because he could span a keyboard or an xbox controller (though he loathed xbox), I called them artists hands.  Though he did have gamer circulation, hands always cool and feeling half dead.

Fucking hell, listen to me, writing a god damn sonnet over his hands of all things.  *rubs her eyes*



I've been in an excessively chipper mood lately.  Possitively fucking ducky! A really great mood.  And three forths the time I remember d and my heart beats fast and slow all at the same time (name that movie).  But...yeah sometimes it's more like...god damn it shut up already.

This sudden surge makes me wonder if he's alright.  Random thoughts about people worry me some.  But...I know I can't contact him.  I just can't.  Not that I don't have the means.  I have his address, his email, his aim... ...but it wouldn't be fair.  I'm the bad guy.  And it hurts him too much to hear from me.  So... ...I grit my teeth and bare it, repent for the wrong I've done to him and play the martyre to try and make things right.  To repent in a manner.  To leave him alone in hopes that he will be alright and he's moving on...though I know that if I ever called him up he would answer and come and do what he could...it wouldn't be fair.  It would be wrong of me to do.

Why make him relive all of that when he's just beginning to heal?

The last time I saw him, I came home crying and cried for nearly a week later to myself...and I actually wrote a poem/song something...first time it's come through like that.  And I can only remember one part, the last part;

"When all the world goes on,
So do you.
With flawless facade
and Unyeilding smile.
Let them all rest easy,
Though you're being torn
a bit at a time.
Left beaten and bloody
By your own hand
And a grin stretched
Ear to Ear."

*rubs her head* Blegh, melladramatics.

d taught me that word a long time ago.


I'm going to bed, it's 5 and I have company.  Wish me luck my pretties.
And don't you dare fucking leave a "poor sami" comment down there.  I'm boding quite well, just a little nagging on the corner of my mind that I needed to get out before I could rest easy.  Easier at least, heheh.

-A
"Doremi elf!? What's a Doremi elf!?
Um, Bay, I think that's "Do Re Mi Elf"
...Oh
Which is why they attack with music notes...
...Oh...ri-ight"
(Can you guess which line was me?)

Oh right, and a couple pretty things I made today:



A couple for a Vampire Freaks Cult.  I am NOT a fan of their name, obviously...

*ahem, very professional manner*
In the spirit of holidays after Saints, I have taken it upon myself to tell you of another, lesser known Saint.
Yes...I am serious.

Now, the history behind this Saints story is quite a tale and has been verified by all of the highest christian scholars.
The exact date is under debate, some say sometime around 13th century while others date it back as far as 48.2 AD, there was a great man known as "Khristoffer Waulkenin".  A devout believer in Jesus Christ, out lord and savior. *

Though his belief was strong, he became preoccupied with the eternal question of Jesus' exact birth date, which as we've seen has been under a certain amount of speculation.  There are some that claim some rediculously poppycock tale about pagans and trees and something called a "Solstice", which we all know is rediculous because Pagans, much like the laughable concept of a round earth, is completely myth.

The biggest piece of information these unbelievers hold to is the passage in the birth of Our Lord that includes shephards being in the fields, which only happens in the spring to summer, not winter.

Saint Khristoffer studdied the facts and took great lengths to prove that these shephards were not 'in the field' but instead searching for their flock of...not sheep, but cows, which were known to roam the country side of Jerusalem wild and free as locusts.  **

Now, Khristoffer in his studies and searches went to Jerusalem to observe the cows and to become closer to his subject matter.  While there, he Discovered the crypt of Rufus, the 13th apostle of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.  Which was oddly enough filled with Bently Rims, aproximately 40oz bottles of mead and something they catagorized as "Massive Bling Bling".

But along with these findings, inside the coffin with the remains was a single Cow Bell.

Mysterious as it was, upon looking further in the crypt he found old scrolls that carbon dated back to the same time as the Dead Sea Scrolls, but written in a strange kind of 'urbanised' version of aramaic.

Once translated, these scrolls clarified the ongoing debate and told of the infamous Cow Bell of Jesus Christ.

It seems that the lost cows were simply an intervention by the Lord God to have the Shephards stray.  Being that the cow's natural mating time is in the dead of winter, the shephards gave chase, hoping to hear the bells that they had tied to the cows. 

The herd of cows, a cow being a true and noble creature, they found their way toward the holy devine light of the newborn Christ Baby. Upon seeing this odd creature, Baby Jesus reached up with a stick found in the manger and began to hit the bell hanging around the cow's neck.  The Shephards soon heard the ruckus and stumbled upon the small gathering at the manger and beheld the Christ Child hitting the cow bell.

The symbolism of the baby in a golden colored diaper comes from the fact that when they came upon the Babe, he had wet himself and thus, the rags he was wrapped in were stained a rather bright golden yellow. ***

Upon discovering all of this, Saint Khristoffer took the evidence and the bell to the masses, hitting the cow bell with a stick and calling out "Yay, for I come onto thee bearing the cow bell.  Being a God Fearing Man, I must haveth the more of the Devine sound of the Cow Bell! More! More Cow Bell, Yay sayeth onto the Lord!"

Many discounted him as insane, and was immediately martyred by farmers who took the bells from their cows and blugened him to death with them. Though after hearing tales of Saint Khristoffer and the Devine Cow Bell and the nobility of the Cow and his part in the Baby Christ's birth, many Hindus began to worship the noble creature as a messenger of God, which it remains to this day.

Through years and years of English Corruption, the Name Saint Khristoffer Waulkenin was changed to the more acceptabel and generally easier to say "Christopher Walken".  Some say he was granted a second life, a rising much like Christ from the Lord himself for his astonishing uncoveries.  Though this is but a theory, a myth, much like Big Foot or the Lock Ness Monster.

Your Daily history lesson, my dear.
-Samantha




*Though we all know while Jesus Saves, Sami Spends
**Something Beautiful to behold and is still a great attraction to tourests who go to visit Jerusalem, the wild roaming cows of the plains.
***Few know of this but Jesus' First Miracle was turning Urine to gold, thus his diaper actually -was- gold and were given to the shephards, the kings and any others who stopped by as parting gifts, as well as kept his family well off for many years.


For those of you who are just going "What the fuck?" ... You obviously haven't seen enough SNL Skits.
-§A

And yes...I -am- insane.  A tasty tidbit for Addy and Lex from their favorite little Sami-Monster.

Because a stupid quiz has a clue moreso than I do at this point

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal. You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy Music Theology Art History Foreign language

Yeah.  I said it.  *shrug*  And no, I'm not bitter about it, nor am I one of those people you wanna hit because they're single and stupid about it.  I just don't see the point.

Celebrating some fellah's bloody, gruesome death by giving each other candy.  Yeah okay I get it, it's the whole idea that "Well he stood up for love"  Yadda yadda.  No, he stood up for marriage.  There is a big difference, pally. Marriage.  Love.  See how the words are different?  Yeah.

I also dislike the idea that nearly nobody knows what started this holiday.  Emperor Claudious wanted an army, not enough men were signing up so he said "Yo! You can't get married anymore! HAH!" but this Valentine guy decided to keep marrying people in private.  So, naturally, he was killed. 

Then again, there was one other "Valentine" was was killed during Claudius' reign, and people mix the two up.
 
This guy went and would not give christianity up, so he was jailed, made friends with the jailor's daughter (Supposedly gave her her sight back as some godly miracle) and when he was beheaded, on Feb 14th, he left a note for her signed "From your Valentine".

He of course became a Saint.  And really, the day wasn't set asside for romantic love until Chaucer. In Chaucer's "Parliament of Fouls" composed around 1380, he stated: For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne's day Whan every foul cometh ther to choose his mate.  Until then, the day was just for honoring the Saints that were killed near that day, such as Valentine.

So the logical explanation would be to give eachother dead flowers, cheesy cards and candy.  *nods very slowly*  Right.  *chews on her lip*  Sorry, it doens't make a whole lot of sense to me. *shrug*

So...Screw it.  I'm not into the hallmark, cheesy candy, explosion of pink and red, hey you better get them something or you don't love them enough... thing.

Also, I'm not some emotional cripple who simply can't tell the people that I love that I love them.  Oh no, the people I love -know- I love them because I tell them every damn time I see them.  Well... nearly.  Or I make the point to make cheesy ass pictures for them and slather them all over the place.

Sorry guys, just not into it.

So for all you who expect to get something on this infamous little day of corporate skewed love, good for you.  Don't flip out if you don't.  People still love you regardless, I assure you that not getting condensed sugar hearts with generic messages doesn't mean they love you any less.

Sure, it's sweet, but I think it's sweeter to get a little 'just because' gifts on any other day.  For some reason gifts on 2-14 seem forced and cheepened by the whole... "Oh I have to" vibe.  *shrug*

Anyway, yeah, so...have a good one guys. *salute*

-Sami

And just in case you're curious...no, Josh and I are not doing anything.

So it seems that I was a bit elloquant with this random Survey on Myspace (Just ask Tom/Tigerblade, heheh) So here are some of my favorite bits:

i am: Sami, a mixed up wrangled little piece of sincerity wrapped in sarcasm, the forever enigma who will work for you and against you at the same time, who will show you all the things you never wanted to see in yourself...and is more than you will ever be able to handle.
i need: Some. Of what? I'm not sure yet.
i love: Listening to the paino and sitting in a room full of alive people...it makes me feel... infinant.
i want: To visit someone very badly all of the sudden. And have the strength to break away from those who are dragging me.
i wish: for just...a peaceful place.
i am always: flying.
i sing: at the most inappropriate times.
i spray: venomous words of destruction and truth to reveal the bettering parts of a soul.
QUOTE: They call me the Queen of Swords; for someone must bestow onto the King of Hearts his blade...and I am just the one to do it
"So what do you do? I laugh. I'm not saying I don't cry, but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously."
"Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place. "


Really, I am a fan of some surveys if they can get little droplets like that out of me. Otherwise...they can suck it.

Here's the rest if anyone's interested:

---

Minute ago: I was debating about going to the north star with Chris, reminicing about the full moon divination meeting the C4C had and mulling over the evils of my readings from the night.
1 Hour ago: I was nearly in tears, listening to Jen read the verdict of my cards. I hate having my cards read.
1 day ago: Hovering my mouse over the delete button on one of my most cherrished friends...debating
1 year ago: (whitney...no you weren't) I was still trying to pick up the pieces of a broken relationship. And eating lots of taffy. Mmm, taffy.
i love: The world.
I fear: The King of Cups and the Knight of Swords.
I feel : Aching for something lost.
I hate: That pencil in my jar with no eraser
I hide: Lots *wink*
I miss: At the moment? Someone. And Taffy. Mmm Taffy.
I need: To stop caring so much about the world...and work on myself. Be the strong free spirit I want to be, but am afraid to work for.
I know: That I need to stop eating sunflower seeds or my lips are going to be perminantly puffy and then I'll look like angelina. Creepy.
I think: Entirely too much. Probably about you *smirk*

Firsts........

first kiss: Was surprisingly anti climactic.
first dance: Was probably in my bedroom, to the radio in a long aerosmith Tee and my underoos with Megan
first peircing: Was also my last
first credit card: I put a bagel on. Unfortunately you gotta build credit, man.
first b/f / g/f: Derek Lee Distler...the immortal quasi jew from Mass. Yeah, he's on a pedastal...what of it, bitches?
first partner: 5th grade, square dancing class. Some guy named brandon.

lasts......

Last long car ride: Long car ride? *wince* Mmm... maybe a month ago? Went to Farmington to drop Dre off.
last thing you ate: Sunflower Seeds (I just can't make the madness stop!)
last phone call: I believe... ...that it was... ... Chris?
last cd you listened to: M:TH, Manic.
last drink you had: Some Sangrea over at Jen's house.
last time you were drunk: Oh shit. Um. Last summer when I was silly enough to let steven mix my drink at Prada's house. Whoo that was an amazing night. Not because of the drinking, I hated that part. But the couch afterward.

short anwer......

i am: Sami, a mixed up wrangled litlte piece of sincerity wrapped in sarcasm, the forever enigma who will forever work for you and against you at the same time, who will show you all the things you never wanted to see in yourself...and more than you will ever be able to handle.
i need: Some. Of what? I'm not sure yet.
i love: Listening to the paino and sititng in a room full of alive people...it makes me feel... infinant.
i want: To visit someone very badly all of the sudden. And have the strength to break away from those who are dragging me.
i wish: for just...a peaceful place.
i am always: flying.
i sing: at the most inappropriate times.
i spray: venomous words of destruction and truth to reveal the bettering parts of a soul.

Favorites......


NUMBER:
COLORS: Blue, Orange, Black
DAY(S): Depends how the day feels
MONTH(S) March, June, July, November, December
CAR: One that works.
FOOD: Mmm yummy stuff
MOVIE:
SONG:
QUOTE: They call me the Queen of Swords; for someone must bestow onto the King of Hearts his blade...and I am just the one to do it
"So what do you do? I laugh. I'm not saying I don't cry, but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously."
"Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place. "

IN THE LAST TWO DAYS HAVE YOU.........

CRYED: No, actually. Teared up and King Kong though.
HELPED SOMEONE: Always.
GOTTEN SICK: No, thankfully
GONE TO THE MOVIES: Yes, Wednesday.
SAID " I LOVE YOU" Yes.
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: No.. ... hm I should do that.
TALKED TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE: Indeed.
WRITTEN A DIARY: No.
TALKED SUREOUS WITH SOMEONE: Not...really. I miss it.
HUGGED SOME ONE: Tonight even.
MISSED AN EX: Always.
HAD SEX: *counts, thinkgs* No.
THOUGHT ABOUT SEX: A lingering or two.

---

I promise one of these days I'll post something of substance. Promise

G'night Lovelies ...I mean, g'morning.

-§A

Alright, here's a rant I wanted to keep close from the Ctrl+Alt+Del forums.  It was entitled "Why you believe in god"...something I thought was awfully strange concidering that all anyone was talking about was religious sects.  Anyway, here's my little blurb.  *shrug* it's 2pm...I'm going to bed.

---

*rubs head gently* this is such a tightly drawn conversation, and yet people cannot wait to throw themselves into it again and again.  And thus, it begins.

I've seen people discuss here not the belief in god..but their belief in -religious docterines-.

There is a difference.

Now then...belief in god is something special.  It's something there, in your heart, in your gut, just there.  You don't need some "oh my god I almost died...ah it must've been god!"  or "wah, my dog/granny/mother/pet rock died...I can't stand the thought of my loved ones being gone so there must be a heaven and god" or "Thats how I was raised" bologna.  No.  Belief in god is something that you feel.  It may follow a docterine, it may not.  You may agree with some points in a religion, you may disagree with some.  You may feel the urge to eat meat on a friday.  You may feel the urge not to lock your 16 year old daughter in a shed during her menses because she's unclean and will taint everything she touches.  So be it! And why is that okay?  Because in your heart, you believe.

Heck you don't even have to be a good person to believe in god.  You can be a downright horrible person and still believe in god.  Belief in something is easy, I mean, hell, I do believe that there is a half eaten box of cheerios downstairs.  Now...I may be right, I may be wrong.  Someone may tell me that Cheerios are evil, or that I'm wrong, that they're gone, or maybe they're honey nut cheerios...but what the hell does it matter if I believe? 

You know the great thing about it too?  You can change. your. mind.  No really, I promise, it's alright.  If you don't like gay people and your daughter comes out, and you go "Hmm, but she's a good person, I must've been wrong"  it is allowed to change your mind and evolve a little there.


*sigh* Now that is belief in god.  What mostly is going on here is talk of belief in religious docterine.

Mu-uch different.

Firstly, how many times has it been stated here that man has free will?  Alright.  And how many times has it been said that the bible is the word of god?  Alright. Now...-which- bible are you talking about?  Because really, there are a TON of them.  Which is the word of god again?  And which translation?  I mean...really the bible was translated into two-four other languages before into english.

I mean, goodness, I've read the version of the lords prayer that people go by, and the version of the lords prayer DIRECTLY translated from the original language to english.  Let me tell you, they are really nothing alike.

And honestly...whos to say that someone didn't take their free will and just...fudge a few things in the bible?  I mean...really now, there are so many versions of the damn thing running around, they can't all be perfectly right.

Belief in something is not reading from a book written forever and a half ago, translated so many times and rewritten that the original message is so garbled and then taking it as law, and then nit picking it appart and ignoring pieces you dont like.  That's being a damn copy cat.  Exercise some of that 'free will' that god gave you and think and feel for yourself, please I beg of you!  It's because people follow these rediculous paths, these books and these preachers and these other people without thinking for themselves first that trageties happen.  That biggotry happens.  That a baptist father beats his gay son.  That a catholic bombs a womens clinic.  That a muslim stones his wife.  That a satanist murders his neighbor. 

I mean, my goodness people...I honestly cannot think of more than a handful of people that I know that belief in god.  Everyone else believes in a book or an old story or what their preacher says or what their parents say or what they heard from this one guy on a bus stop.  Why not just...listen to yourself for once? Why is it so wrong these days to simply be agnostic, or eclectic and just...be alright with having thoughts that conflict with the major religions?  I just don't understand it.

Some of the most brilliant, intelligent, smart, articulate people I know...and when we get to this one topic they all turn into 3 year olds fighting over the last cookie.

Something that I love more than anything else in this world is a dreamer. Those people who are constantly flying, if only on the inside.

Here's a little ditty I wrote for someone I call Einar:

"I'll paint you the most beautiful cosmic storm for you to ride through. In brilliant colors that could only be named after the purest of emotions and variables of light that nobody's ever seen before. Something so radiant that in the end, the only one who will be able to grasp the magnificence will be you and you alone--for because of its brilliance, it will be lost upon the common man, with their amazing ability to forget everything but their own inaine lives and pass by anything of any true beauty as if it were nothing.


Damn I better get working on that... ... *calls crayola for their 24 box set of crayons*"

My latest work of "Un Art", my rant after reading yet another piece of crap from someone who will soon be deleted from my list.

---

---

Alright dumbasses, pay attention.  Shit like this:

"Tom is letting us all have tops 12's and he going to let us have 15 pics. Repost this and you will get these in 5 minutes"

Is annoying.  Tom is NOT going to send some bullshit bulletin around when he can just mass inbox message everyone or leave a note on his Own Page.  Yeah...have you noticed, you have him as a friend...ye-es Johnny, he has a page. *pats on head condecendingly*

And even if he did post some bogus lame ass bulletin, why... why why why the fuck would you need to repost anything in any amount of time?  I'm sorry but honestly... no wait, I'm not sorry...you're all fucking stupid.  I'm talking IQs under 20 stupid.  Like, you should get a fucking parking spot at the front of the store for that shit.

I'd bet my soul that you're the same brand of idjit that sends along those "Totally true, I saw it on the news" Emails that do absolutely nothing but make everyone who reads it's IQs drop and Blood Pressure rise.

Honestly, when you pass something like this along, do you sit at your computer, hitting F5 every twenty seconds, counting down that last vital ten seconds until five minutes, hit that last blissful refresh that will set your soul free and grant you some incredible 1337 kind of feature that nobody else has... ... only to find that all your hopes are dashed and... *gasp*  Nothing changed.  Except now all of your friend's IQs have dropped ten points and you all have to take the short bus to work.  Are you surprised?  I mean, honestly, I'm curious, are you?

Stop subjecting your supposed friends to your own ignorance and stupidity.  About the only "acceptable" form of moronicy is something that at least will grant some kind of humor and fill up some time, like surveys that nobody cares about, or those long ass lists of crap that everyone posts and adds their name to with some less than witty response. 

At least that requires some kind of input and time expenditure.  I mean, really, that's no worse than calling up a friend and talking about random bullshit because you're bored off your ass and you're waiting for the new Project Runway to come on in an hour.

These on the other hand require NOTHING.  They're simple ghetto fucking lame copy and past jobs from some idiot who thought it would be funny some days ago to annoy the masses.  It's some sterile, congealed mass of stupid that someone found while digging in their ear with a toothpick and decided to plop onto a text page.  It requires no thought, no originality, no personal touches, no love, they're not funny, they're not interesting, they're not even factual. 

So Why Do You Bother?

Honestly, it makes me want to give in to those German tendancies from my ancestry and just start a new kind of genocide.  A war on stupidity.  You know... ...I bet that Bush passes those things on.  Fuck.

Somehow I just don't think that Tom had this sad excuse for intelligent conversing when he put in the bulletin feature.  It's so that when there's something actually important going on, you don't have to email or message every single one of your fourty something friends (Because let's just admit it, if you're here, you have a base of at least 25 friends, and growing by the week, if not day). 

What amazes me is that you actually have the balls to get upset when you post a real bulletin, one of actual importance and substance that pertains to -you-.  Something you really want to get out to your friends.  But unfortunately it gets lost in the mass of twenty "Post this in 4.2 minutes or your pubic hair will turn purple" that you posted that day, and your friends have stopped paying attention to your bulletins months ago because they're tired of opening up nothing but shit.  And yet, you get pissed off because nobody responds to it?  Jiminy Cricket on a Cracker with his legs spread!  And maybe I want purple pubic hair! Who knows, man, some people are freaky like that.

As I said, with a minimal base of 25 and every third person on there making a list of fourteen damn bulletins a day, I'm just not going to be able to pass through that soupy mass of deliciously bored failure in a day.  Really, I don't want to either.  Especially when at least every third one is a copy from someone earlier in the day.  I'd hate to break it to you, but you're NOT being original.  Nope.  I've seen the same damn thing posted about fifteen minutes ago by the little boy with nothing but a burlap sack for a torso I keep on my list.

Sorry, but really, if you want people to actually pay attention and listen to your bulletins, if you actually post anything of any substance or importance, you need to stop posting twenty something masses of "Pass this on to five other people within seven minutes or your toenails will uproot themselves and stab you in your sleep" chain letters. *Plew, I'm glad I dodged that bullet and passed it on*  Gah.

Shit...I mean at least when I post bullshit, I take the time to make a smart ass comment in the title so people know it's bullshit.  And anything -real- with any importance I initial or do something so hey, it catches the attention. 

"*going through lists*  Pass it on. Pass it on. Whats your Jedi Name. Survey. Survey. Pass it on. Make your Penis Larger. Oh shit, that's Samantha's and it doesn't have "Dear god help us" in the title...and there's the §A hmm, I wonder what that little cracked out midget librarian has to say."

See how that works?  Yeah *pats on the head*  At least I'm polite about my crap.  And even then, I'm not going to pass on stupid untraceable bullshit that promises to give me true love or make my penis longer or make little fairy elves prance around my space if I pass it on in four minutes and twelve seconds.  Firstly, I probably couldn't recognize true love if it hit me in the head, repeatedly, with a lead pipe.  My Penis is plenty long already, and really, length is overrated (YES I FUCKING SAID IT...and it's about time).   And I have enough Fairies on my page, thanks, I have MTH, Addy, Whin and Lex on there.

Point of this rant?  Stop making people stupider. (See! I've already dropped, I said "Stupider" instead of "more stupid")  And if you insist on posting this crap, don't be surprised when your cry for attention suicidal "help me guys' post is flooded out and ignored by your friends because they've all be stupidified by your leech like posts to the point that they cant figure out how to use the mouse any longer.

That being said, carry on.  And remember, be kind, rewind.

*rubs her head*  Foamy ain't got shit on The Inevitable, Inescapable Samantha.

§A  --  Infuriating the masses since 1984  -- 
Brought to you by the Letter "Si"

In other news:

It seems that in the wake of the holidays that Sami's been forgotten.  *aw, tear, slurps tear*  Pfft.  Now let's have a moment of silence for those who actually give a damn.  *crickets sound*  SILENCE I SAID *Stomps crickets to death*

Really, it's not that big of a deal.  *little shrug*  I mean, it is a pain to listen to everyone talk about their amazing holidays and the families and smile and go "You lucky duck...wow" when you sat at home all day, watching old Queer Eye reruns.   Not that Queer Eye isnt worthy.  I love that show.  Honestly.

But it's just a little like... *Shoves to corner of the world and throws sticks*  Kinda like that.  *shrug*  Though I hear that my mother's having some kind of xmas gathering in the middle of January...so I spose that's something.  *prepares her wallets for gift cards since nobody in her family knows her well enough to get her anything of substance*  Really I like hanging around my siblings and my mother.  Well...I get along with most of them.  Something very odd about Amos where he and I never really...did the...clicking thing? *tilt, hand gestures* you get me?  But yeah, I like him just fine, just something's always been there that kind of... I don't know, blah! *chuckles*  But I love spending time with my family.  It's fun.  And I get to help mom around, which is something I love.  Couldnt' tell you why, but even though she had a pretty awful halloween, I loved being there for her and basically setting everything up, doing the porch and getting her to get into costume... I loved it.

Anyway, as wonderfully off topic as that was *laughs*

Yeah, so though a little late but nice, my wonderful wonderful amazing friend Addy made me an incense holder.  *now just needs to get incense*  God I love that boy.  *rubs her head*  Meh, or something.  Okay it's a sick obsession, I know I know, I need to knock it off but damn...

In other news, MTH, my other amazingly wonderful friend, Matt: The Homo (the great guy I quote from sometimes when we talk), well he stopped by and gave me a CD of him singing and playing guitar.   He is an AMAZING songster.  Really, he is.  I've been listening to the same five songs constantly.  So I thought that I'd share some of my favorite lyrics with you folks. 

"You smell as sweet as amaretto
your monotone glances used to tear me apart
now its the silence from the back of my car

Did you ever see my sentimental scars
Left to fade away like plastic stars
Can't you see how they glow in the dark
Can't you see how they glow in the dark
Can't you see how they glow in the dark
Sorry angel but we'll never get that far

*rock out*

It's been a long year
Gather up the failures
In place and context
Lest we forget that
Matches that burn down bridges
Are laid with the noblest intentions
You put your heart in a paper bag
Now my heart's in a paper bag
Yeah my hearts in a paper bag

And I say we ditch this party
Someday we'll ditch this life
Perhaps you tell me angel

Is that a road map
in your pocket?
*can't tell...what he says*
Cause if it is
I should've fallen apart
By now."


Beautiful...absolutely wonderfully amazing. 

Gosh all the good men are gay. *sigh* heheheh.

Oh, yes, and for the fans, her's a picture that Addy took of me for New Years.  Yes, I know you don't get to see the Corset, Fishnets or the swee through sheer skirt.  *shrug* Sorry.



I didn't even realize he was taking the picture.  I was talking to Josh at that point, heh.
I'll have to ask Kevin for the pictures.  He was...obsessed with the outfit, and I know he has some. 


Until then, lovelies, I'll see you around *salutes*
-§A

This has been me lately.  Who needs sleep?  Not SAMI! *Cackling*

Best Thing Written Ever. EVER!

Because stupid Spaces has a language barrier!! *mutter* EVIL!

*giggle* Yes, I've been up all night, and I don't plan on sleeping.  But that's beside the point. For all those who don't know, the 21st was the Winter Solstice. For the Wiccans, the rebirth of the Sun (not Son since Jesus was born in June). And Yay the days are now getting longer! About time. But here are some pictures from our Solstice Celebration

Check this out:

Our Lovely Solstice Candle with glass rocks, flowers, incense Jen brought, Glitter and Heather Oil in it (Heather Protects against rape and glitter attracts gay men (who wouldn't touch us with a 100foot pole anyway), so mom says that we were involking all the gay men in a 100 ft radius to us heheh)


Our beautiful Tree!  I brought yarn and we ended up chaining a bunch and putting tinsel in it, and mama made the tinfoil 'sun' on top, hehe. All the white is me freaking out, cept Liana and Jen braided some too.  Everyone had a blast playing with the yarn.  The tin foil thing on the side is a penticle with green and red embroidery thread from Star. The Green and Red yarn at the bottom is from Mama, the yellow at the top is from Dee and there were birds and nests all over it too!


This is all who showed up.  From Left to right, Jen, Dee, Joel, Mama, Star, Liana and I.

Jen and Dee are SO FUN.  Just really amazing people...*sigh* yeah...good good folks all around. *smile*.

Okay well I love you all... ... ... *twitch* ...I'm going to drink some coffee! *twitch*
§A

So, I've gotten this question entirely too much, and I realize that I'm hard to shop for because I'm one of those lovely people who are content with what they have...which is great!  But I'm hell to shop for. 

Being that I'm tired of having people ask for ideas, and I hate having to pawn gifts...and I don't need any more clutter shit...here are some infamous suggestions of death and destruction that any Sami will love. And they're cheep too (Nate and Whit, pay attention *laughs*)

-Sami is going to love anything you get her, regardless, (even just a hug) so stop stressing, but if you must...

-Every Sami loves incense (as long as it's not Cinnamon or Jasmine.  Jasmine is an aphrodesiac...and nobody wants a horny Sami. ICK)

-Yarn! (I'm running out of blues and greens.  And if you want a blanket or something, give me the colors and then I can make something for ya.  Then we can both be happy! And it's like...under a buck for two things of yarn)

-Draw me a damn picture.  If you wanna get fancy, frame it.  (Of anything.  As you've all seen, my walls are barren...and white blows donkey balls)

-Slab o' wax (Running low for my candle makin'.)

-Essential oils (once more, runnin' low for my candle makin'.)

-Embroidery thread (...mostly blues and blacks and whites.  I like puttin' them in my hair when I put it up...but I realized all I have is baby poop green.  Yeah... ... ...not puttin' that in there *chuckles*)

-Yo Mama! (Kidding, I like my mom.  She blinks. *gently prods* heheh)

-Stolen music and videos from the internet (But yeah, if you're too cheep to buy a cd, zip it and send them to my email sami.sam@gmail.com.  Lately been looking for Red Vs Blue season 3 (good luck finding it) or really just about any anime.  I'm adventurous *wink*
Disclaimer: Sami does not condone the theft of downloading music or videos off the internet...*hides her pirate eyepatch*  )

-Compile a music list and send it to my email.  Hell, even just a list then I'll download them.  I don't care! (Music's always great, and having a themed list like "Funny shit" or "dnd skits" or "Shit that reminds me of you" is just sweet and makes me melt)

-A cheesy online Greeting Card (Where?  Try 123greetings.com  or bluemountain.com or even greeting-cards.com  If you're adventurous, find a picture, stick it in paint, scrawl "HAPPY HOLIDAYS" across it and send it to me through email.  It gets the point across, heheh.)

-Slap some words together (One of the sweetest gifts I've ever gotten was when Jordango wrote me a poem.  I still have it four years later and love it.  Shit even something like "If I were you, and you were me, then we'd be "we", except for me, for being you, would cause for me, to kill myself, so mote it be!"  Though that's a mean poem... heheh)


As you can see, kiddies, Sami's are not that hard to please.  The pure joy and rapture that knowing that you were thinking of them is enough to make them giggle like a school girl and jump on you with a big ol kiss and then let the sex commence.  Unless you're not into that...then a handshake will do.

Love you guys, and Happy Assorted Holidays.  HAPPY WINTER-EEN-MAS!!! (Thank you Ctrl+Alt+Del ... )

-The Inescapable, Inevitable Sami

So, it seems I've gotten into a kind of verbal... I wont say sparring, more of a collaberative effort or piggy backing with my dear MTH (no, not MTHC, Steven *smirk*).  With so many fun words being thrown around, it seems a shame to let them go to waste.  So here we go

MTH: i think there has been a divide in the country, it started 20 years ago.  this is the era when no one is happy with their upbringing.  this is the time when the lost are not discovered, they are the discoverers. 

§A: When children are brought up only to be lost and led in circles, they have no choice but to become the discoverers. To blaze their own paths through nonchalance and apathy that rage in this time and age. The modern day Lewis and Clark are two boys with shaggy hair and glaring empty eyes reaching out for something that not even they know.

 

 

-----------------------------------

 MTH wrote this poem and while speaking to him about 'the issue at hand', this came up:

"If the world were incased in one of those snowglobes, I would be the one to shake it.  You could be a tiny snowflake.  Yourself and others like you are all lost in a flurry, but readily recognizable individually.  When I look inside I catch myself thinking, can you observe the world you see from the sphere?  Or are you as taken as I,  in your own swirrling current?  The cure for this nausea's caught in the castle you twirled around as you fell.  The shaking has ceased and the story commenced.  Is your world that different from whats outside of it?  "

I want to remember this.

 

He's wonderful...and makes one hell of a bowl of cheerios *smile*

Last one, I promise.

Be prepared...this is probably the biggest waste of space and time I've ever thrown myself into.  Yay!

Your Power Color Is Indigo

At Your Highest: You are on a fast track to success - and others believe in you. At Your Lowest: You require a lot of attention and praise. In Love: You see people as how you want them to be, not as how they are. How You're Attractive: You're dramatic flair makes others see you as mysterious and romantic. Your Eternal Question: "Does This Work Into My Future Plans?"

Your Mood Ring is Orange

Stimulating ideas Daring Full of desires

Your World View

You are a happy, well-balanced person who likes people and is liked by others. You question whether many conventional views on morality are valid under all circumstances. You are essentially a content person. Sometimes, you consider yourself a little superior. You are moral by your own standards. You believe that morality is what best suits the occasion.

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others. You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around. The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it. Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

You Are Apple Cider

Smooth and comforting. But downright nasty when cold.

You are Agonistic

You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care. For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine. You rather focus on what you can control - your own life. And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

You Are Likely a Third Born

At your darkest moments, you feel vulnerable. At work and school, you do best when you're comparing things. When you love someone, you tend to like to please them. In friendship, you are loyal to one person. Your ideal careers are: sales, police officer, newspaper reporter, inventor, poet, and animal trainer. You will leave your mark on the world with inventions, poetry, and inspiration.

Your Hair Should Be Red

Passionate, fiery, and sassy. You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around.

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher. You'd make a talented professor or writer.

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical

You blog like no one else is reading... You tend to use your blog to explore ideas - often in long winded prose. Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily. But if they disagree with once too much, you'll pull them from your blogroll!

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

You Are 24 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Your Birthdate: November 1

Your birthday suggests that are executive ability and leadership qualities in your makeup. A birthday on day 1 of any month gives a measure of will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush. You may be sensitive, but your feelings stay rather repressed.

How You Life Your Life

You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

Your Blog Should Be Green

Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff. You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas. However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog.

Alright, so let's do this thing! *sniff* It's so nice to be included on forms of torture.

 

10 years ago I was...
-10 years old

-Just descovering the wonders of training bras

-Getting over my father's splitting from his girlfriend

-Still playing with legos

-Just finishing up my last year in Elementary School

-Was still an over acheiver

5 years ago I was...
-15 years old

-Trying to deal with cameras in the house and "little gray men"

-Sick of the concept of the bra

-A Sophomore in High School

-Still called my future fiance' "Traitor"

-Still living at home, but only for another year

-Hiding the fact I still played with Legos

-Tried my first Final Fantasy Game

Yesterday I
-Let my roomate Drive me home from the Airport
-Got into a car accident
-Ditched the accident due to a warrant
-Hurt my neck and tore a hole in my pants and hand
-Didn't sleep until 3pm
-Messed up my sleeping schedual
-Came back to Minnesota
-Said "Shit" and "brrr" and "It'll be alright" a LOT
-Ate a Mamba (It was yummy)
-Saw Serenity (good movie)

5 Snacks I enjoy
-Mambas
-Cheddar Cheese and Crackers
-Oranges
-Puppy Chow (the chex mix kind, not real dog food)
-Cheese melted over tortilla chips

5 Songs I know all the words to
Meh, lots but I don't know the names.

5 Thinks I would do with 100 Million Dollars
-Put most of it away somewhere for neices/nephews college
-Donate a crapload to certain charities
-Visit all the neat people I've met and hang around the world
-Renovate my mother's house for her, buy the lot next door and make her house bigger for her birds and all the people she houses (sister, brother, sister's boyfriend)
-Put myself, Joshua and Steven through college and have a place for all of us to call home

5 places I would run away to
-Hawaii
-Colorado
-My Mother's
-The Astral Plane
-Indian Heights

5 things I would Never Wear
-A Thong Bikini
-Nipple Clips
-Pasties
-Clear Heals
-That's...about it.

5 6 Favorite TV shows
-Family Guy
-Pirates of Dark Water
-Cowboy Bebop
-Rurouni Kenshin
-Samurai Champloo
-X Men (yeah, so they're all cartoons...so bite me *grin*)

5 Fictional Characters I would date
-Gambit *purr*
-Silver Veil (she's foxy) 
-Vanyel (I'd date him, he wouldn't date me.  I don't have a penis)
-Firesong (...I'm just one big fag hag)
-Goblin King from Laberynth

5 People I tag this to
-Cletus
-Steven *huggles the beautiful miss Z*
-Elisa
-Mina
-Steven/Panda
-Sami

So, it seems we have a new member to welcome to the family...*trumpets sound*  Introducing Kitty the Hungry Cat!  Well alright, I can't find my camera, or else I'd take a picture of him, but he's an adorable kitten, maybe 2-3 months old or so.  Gray and darker colored tabby...he reminds me of Number Two (Everybody go "Awww").

Here's how we happened upon having this little gem of a kit...

 

Erin was out visiting Christian *supresses wretching, forced smile* and he got into his car, letting his door swing open, just sitting there...and this kitten jumps up in his lap.  No collar, nails unclipped, obviously malnourshed, dirty, flea infested and young...but the darn thing just jumped up there in his lap and started purring.  So there Erin sat for about an hour, debating "Do I bring him home, or leav ehim here..." Well, obviously he brought the sucker home *chuckles*.   It's such a charming, loving little thing *swoooooon*  Honestly, it's a sweetheart.

 

So...Erin goes ahead and says my find, my cat...okay...well that's understandable I mean, right?  Completely so.  Only thing I have to wonder is...if he's going to take care of it.  Just last week he was saying that he didn't like cats or dogs and wouldn't want one.  That and school is starting soon...he's hardly ever home as it is...and to be honest, he kind of treats the cat like a new toy...expecting it to play with him when he wants and the like.  Cats...aren't like that.  Dogs, sure!  But cats are independent and generally tell you to fuck off if they aren't in the mood. So I worry.  Not so much for the cats well being...just that I'm going to end up taking care of him....which I don't mind because we ended up hanging out together all day anyway and I love that little fuzzball....but that I'm going to get attached and Erin's going to be all "MINE!" and eventually it'll be like Number Two all over again... *sigh*

 

And Josh doesn't like cats...and I just don't like things smelling like cat...so as long as he cleans up after it, I'm good.  I'm surely not going to clean up after someone elses animal (Oh please... *rolls her eyes* If he's going to claim ownership like that).  But then again, the boy can't even clean his own dishes, pick up after himself or do his laundry.  I don't know how he's going to take care of another creature if he's having trouble with himself.  Especially with school starting up soon.  I guess we'll see what happens.

 

 

 

On another note, I've been yelled at twice for things in my blog in the past 2 days or so...two or three days.  So, I'm sorry to say that I'm going to have to find another place to be uncensored in my rants and such, and stop putting down so much here and sharing with you folks.  Which really is quite unfortunate and makes me upset...*sigh* .... ... but I suppose a person's personal entries just aren't meant for everyone...and people just can't accept that and leave it alone.  Ah well.  To each his own.

 

Doesn't mean I'm going to stop posting here. Not at all.  But, that does mean you can expect more generic-y goodness out of this site. *thumbs up*  Just going to have to find somewhere else to post my personal reference of life and just stick to G rated impersonal stuff here.  Gah...sometimes I honestly have a dislike of society.  That and leaving a note is one thing, but trying to have it out with me one on one is another.

 

Anyway, I have things to do, people to defuse and tomorrow begins the weekend *thumbs up*  Hopefully some hiking, fighting, training, harvesting and just some good ol' easy going days.  ... ... ...

 

*Laughs hysterically* Yeah...sure.

 

§A